And I Can't Stop Having These Visions

A look inside the madness of my mind--sports, politics or daily life--with humor and pop culture and music references embedded.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Hey you, sittin over there

"... get up outta your chair"

Customer Service over telephone... how I am in conflict over you. While I love you from a business bottom line perspective, your incessant evolution of impersonality makes me loathe you.

And before I get started, I feel compelled to include AT&T's text-to-speech magic in this entry somewhere, so right here seems good.

So I'm a fan of automated menus when you call somewhere. It typically helps you get to talk to who you need to talk to faster than usual. (Is it bad that I think I can remember the exact sequence to call Time Warner for Roadrunner customer service?)

However, somewhere along the line people forgot the original intention of these... to expedite things. Classic examples are the Toys 'R Us in Boardman, OH (330-726-8697 if you're curious). They don't even have a menu. Last I checked (years ago, but I doubt they changed), it just goes in this annoying whiny voice:

Thank you for calling Toys 'R Us. We are located at 327 Boardman Poland Road just east of the Southern Park Mall on Route 224. Our store hours are 9AM - 9PM Monday through Saturday, and 10AM - 6PM on Sunday. If you have a question for our store, please hold on the line and an operator will be with you shortly *cue annoying ass music*

And it takes a good 30-60 seconds to get through this spiel.

Well, I haven't encoutered any new annoying phone menus in many years... until today... when I encountered 2... in 10 minutes!

So I'm trying to call the OSU Transportation and Parking Office to upgrade my parking pass so I can park on central campus over summer. Well I could have sworn their number was 292-PARK, which would make sense, but apparently it isn't. So I call trusty OSU Information (292-OHIO). I'm greeted with a new menu instead of an operator. I'm a little confused how a 411 type service will work without an operator but I roll with it.

It's like please say the name of the department you are trying to contact. I say Traffic and Parking and of course it doesnt work. So I try again and this time it works. But what if it was some weird ass department I'm trying to reach. Like the department of Evolution, Ecology, and Organismal Biology, or the Center for Slavic Languages,or Battelle Endowment for Technology & Human Affairs. I just can't see that working well.

Well a few minutes later I have to call Famous Footwear to get a new sandal. Well their menu would be perfectly served with, 'To find a store near you, press 1' 'For information about our Rewards program, press 2' 'For customer service, press 3'

BUT NO! They must make it voice-activated so that its 'To find a store near you, say STORE' 'For information about our Rewards program, say REWARDS' 'For customer service, say SERVICE'

HOW IS THIS HELPING ME GET TO MY DESTINATION FASTER?
HOW IS THIS HELPING ME GET TO MY DESTINATION?
PERIOD.

Oh and this blog wouldn't be complete without the best phone message EVER.

"Ring ding dong... ringa ding ding ding dong"

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