And I Can't Stop Having These Visions

A look inside the madness of my mind--sports, politics or daily life--with humor and pop culture and music references embedded.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Can somebody, anybody tell me why?

"Tell me whatcha gonna do... "

First off, as usual I apologixe for the infrequent updates. I actually have a good number of stories, but simply haven't been inclined to write.

So this takes place last Wednesday, I'm going to take my Astronomy midterm. Well being that I have an amazing parking pass that lets me park in garages for the summer, you know I'm driving to class, especially in the heat.

Well I leave the garage to walk across the street to my Astronomy class. There is an intersection, but the street I'm crossing doesn't have to stop. Luckily there's this brilliant invention called a Crosswalk!. In fact, there's even a big sign notifying drivers that there's a crosswalk there!

I start to cross giving a half hearted look, because being that its a crosswalk, the cars have to stop, and see a lovely OSU Traffic & Parking car headed my way. No worries... they are the traffic department, they won't run me over.


So I'm crossing, and they swerve around me, making me take a step back. I throw up my arms in disgust. That's brilliant, how do you expect other people to give Pedestrians the right of way, when you yourselves don't do it. So I shake my head and mutter to myself while continuing to cross the street.

This SHOULD end there, but oh no, you do not use non-verbal communication to insult a Traffic & Parking Employee here... OH no you dont! Out of the side of my eye, I notice the T&P car has come to a stop a few feet down the road, and is now IN REVERSE, BACKING DOWN THE ROAD. By this time I have crossed both roads, so he proceeds to TURN BACKWARDS... AND BACK DOWN THE OTHER ROAD AS WELL.

Pretty astounded by this I look over and he's next to me with his window rolled down...

T&P: "There a problem?"
Me: "Oh, I don't think so, I could have sworn the law said that Pedestrians have the right of way...." *gets cut off*
T&P: "I was already in the intersection so I didn't have to stop."
T&P: "Look, I was in the intersection, so you walked in front of me, I know the law..."
Me: "Well you should, here's a hint, if you almost run someone over while the person is in the middle of a crosswalk, chances are your not following the law."

(Note that the intersection argument is invalid because if you look closely, the side of the intersection he was approaching from didn't have a crosswalk, thus he could be in the intersection, yet not already in the crosswalk. And even so, if you're approaching a crosswalk and see that someone is about to step onto it, you stop just in case. Like this guy)

And then I walk up the stairs to the building where my class is while he's yelling stuff at me from his car in the street. A lady who is just outside the doors on her cell phone stops me and says, "Wow, what an asshole."

EDIT: As an addendum. I just looked up Traffic & Parkings official stance on crosswalks. It's very conflicting. Basically it says it's both (the motorist and the pedestrian) your faults if something goes awry. Either way, I was more pissed at the fact he stopped driving to come confront me when I didn't say a word to him.

EDIT2: Ironically, T+P are currently in the process of having a Crosswalk Study.

"... at the crossroads so you won't be lonely..."

Friday, July 21, 2006

He's a Nice Guy...

"Sometimes y'all mistake nice for soft..."

It's Tuesday night, about 2:30AM. I'm hungry. I'm parched. I need some damn peaches. But since none are available. I decide to head for the border.

I'm sorry, but the concept/marketing of 'FourthMeal' might be the most brilliant advertising campaign in recent history (Except maybe Chili's current Build-Your-Own Burger... but that's a story for a seperate time). I mean, granted for me, it's technically a 2nd or 3rd meal (depending on if I eat lunch or not), but the fact remains that it is brilliant marketing. That in addition to the fact that there is a Taco Bell about 2 minutes driving from my apartment means that I have had about four FourthMeal's in the past 10 days.

So this particular FourthMeal, I'm really thirsty, hence the use of parched in the first paragraph. Let me prefix this by saying I despise Taco Bell's drinks. Mainly because I think of their combo meals. Most of which are excellently crafted meals... except they give you a MEGA LARAGE drink. I don't want that big of a drink, so I never order a combo meal.

BUT... this time I was parched, so I did. Well I placed my order, she says like $4.26 or whatever it is. Except I forgot the drink. Well I'm starting to pull up when I see a sign that says "HEY! DID WE NOT OFFER YOU A DRINK? MENTION IT AND GET ONE FREEEEEEEEE!!!" Well, I don't wanna be "that guy" who was like OMG OMG OMG YOU HAD YOU OFFER ME A DRINK AND I DIDNT AND IW ANTZZZ ONE SO GIVE GIVE GIVE~!

So I pull up, and she's like $4.26, and I'm like "Oh ya, I forgot that I wanted a drink too..." thinking maybe she'd be like Oh I'm sorry, here ya go. But she responds with "What size..." ... I of course go LARAGE!. She hits a button adds the $1.39 large pepsi onto my bill, I pay her the $6.00 or whatever it is now and drive away.

Now, I blatantly could have gotten away with getting it for free. But from my retail background... I HATE tie-ins. Tie-ins are most often seen at places like Walgreens and such where there's stuff on the counter... "Your total comes to $8.56, but would you like to try a pack of these SUPER WASHABLE REUSABLE NAPKINS? As a special offer they're currently 2 for $1! Granted, if your good at retail, you know who to offer the tie-in to, and who will not buy it and just wants to leave faster... and if your REALLY good at retail, then you know how to offer it to the right people, and some of the others in such a non-annoying way that more people will buy it.

But oh god... Mandatory tie-ins (aka offer a drink or get it free...) remind me why I despise e-mail and why I'm glad I have this wonderful IT job in an office. So I just couldn't make myself ask for it.

On a completely unrelated note, I considered making the song of the blog be FreeBird. I decided against it, mainly because Roth can't stand the song. Which brings me to my question... Who started the drunken 'Play Free Bird!' at concerts/shows/gigs yell... and what's the joke/story behind it.

"So before I go off, I just... "

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Do anything you want me to

"Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap..."

Before I start this blog entry, I'd like to give a shout out to mi madre. Two reasons... 1) She's probably half dancing in her computer chair singing Dirty Deeds to herself right now. 2) I always think of her whenever I listen to this song because of this little anecdote:

Setting: The Blazer... Madre driving, Farva (age 13ish in passenger seat)
Madre (listening/singing along to AC/DC): "Dirty Deeds, Dum Dum Dee, Dirty Deeds, Dum Dum Dee"
Farva ( ): "Uh... Mom? What'd you just say?"
M: "I was singing... Dirty Deeds Dum Dum Dee... That's how the chorus goes..."
F: "Actually, I'm pretty sure its 'Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap,' in fact I'm quite sure because it's the NAME OF THE SONG!"
M: Oh...
Now that I've embarrassed my mother in print form in front of my 10 loyal readers and any random stragglers on the internet that come across it... Let's move onto the meat of the blog.

So for about two days now I have had an unnatural urge to herbal for pizza. Well, with Paul at a bar, and me sitting on the couch playing poker, I figured its a good time for pizza. So, being the occasionally cheap guy that I am (mainly thanks to bitter Bethany), I decide to pull out The Saver and see what kinds of deals there are. (I'm mildly obsessed with The Saver... I made Paul come back inside today to get a coupon for Subway when we were already down the outside steps.)

Well, I decide that a good cheesy bread would be delicious as well, so I flip to the Papa John's page and see these:

$8.99 for a medium with 1 topping and breadsticks. Good deal, but I want cheesesticks, not bread. So I look to the right, and *insert angel revelation noise here* theres a medium pizza with cheesesticks for $9.99. After debating for about 15 minutes what I'm going to use as my one topping (between Extra Cheese, Pepperoni, and Spicy Italian Sausage), I call Papa John's and get a DAMN RECORDING.

Ahh well, when sitting there, I'm relooking the coupons, when all of a sudden I notice some vital information that I missed previously. The $9.99 that I planned on using was for a 'Medium Cheese Pizza'. AKA NOT ONE TOPPING. So let's see what this coupon gets us as compared to the original $8.99 coupons:
  1. + $1.00
  2. + Cheese on Breadsticks
  3. - One Topping

In hindsight, this doesn't appear to be such a great deal... except right at this very second, the employee answers the phone and asks me what I would like. I have too much pride to sit there and be like "Uh... Uh... Uh."

So I make a split second decision.

So what do I do?

"Ohh! Neckties"

Thursday, July 13, 2006

I'm proud to be from Youngstown

"Where I know I can be me..."

As much as I joke about it, and make off-handed comments to everyone around here that loves Cleveland or Columbus, I truly love Youngstown. I mean hell, I bought a shirt that says I'm proud to be from there, and wear it often:

I'll be the first to admit that if after I graduate I wouldn't mind moving back to Youngstown and working for my high school or some company downtown or CHP (who has a major IT office just north of downtown). Possibly even trying to get a sports anchor job at one of the local tv stations (which if you're reading this, you should know that I'm more than capable).

(Big props to my co-host Mike D'Attoma. Can't wait to be the best show on Buckeye TV again this fall. P.S. Chiefs still suck)

Speaking of Buckeye TV, this starts my story for this blog. One day, I was getting ready to direct something or other at BTV, and I was wearing my Proud to be from Youngstown shirt. Two of the news reporters come up to me, and this conversation ensues...

Reporter: "Oh, you're from Youngstown? Where at?"
Me: "The South Side"
Reporter: "No, no no... like where at... You know, Boardman? Poland? Canfield?"
Me: "I'm from the south side of YOUNGSTOWN... the inner-city."
Reporter: *gasp* "And you haven't been shot yet???"

Well, it's a funny story to tell by itself, but as always Wikipedia made it better. So last week I was looking at the Youngstown page on Wiki, and decide to go to the discussion to see what people are arguing about over Youngstown, when I come across this gem:

They [The Warner Brothers] are by no means Youngstowners and I think too many of the people listed deserve to be removed since they in fact did not live, grow up in, or were born, in the city of Youngstown. Person 1: "Where are you from?" Person 2: "Youngstown." Person 1: "Ohh, you mean Boardman?"
Wow just wow.

As a post script, I would like to thank the SomethingAwful forums (which I'm not going to give a link to due to the Not Mind Safeness of them) for the excellent smileys used above, and for updates and forums about the city itself, as well as numerous photo albums of the downtown area, which I suggest everyone check out.

"Because I'm proud to be from Youngstown
Where I know I can be me
And I won't forget the steel industy,
that's brought about poverty
And I'll gladly get shot...
by the mob.
Because they run it still today
But I sure as hell love this place
(echo: love this place)
God bless the G - het - to"

Monday, July 10, 2006

I'm not sure of what I see...

"it's legit, you know its a hit
when farva decides a new blog post to spit..."

OK yeh, I haven't blogged in a while. Life has been mildly boring lately.

But more on that at the end...

So... as you may or may not know, a group of us decided to go to Cleveland and Cedar Point for the weekend (which can be a seperate blog in entirety). So at one point we decide to go to stop to use the bathroom in Cedar Point.

Well when walking into the men's restroom (side note: This is the second men's restroom we tried. The first was out of order.) you are greeted by a lovely sign that I felt compelled to take a picture of, because I knew it needed to be blogged about on the internet.

Yes, a sign teling you that there are to be no cameras "in this area". I think my wonderful friend David summed it up best when he said, "Now the only reason to put a sign like that up is if they were having a problem with it before..."

What does one say in these situations?

Personally, I say nothing, and just reflect back to what might be the best sign ever, which I will post for your viewing pleasure:

That is so unrestrictive. That's like saying, Ok, you can dance, BUT NOT IF it's in a gymnasium, and that only applies if it's properly painted for basketball, and then you actually still can dance as long as a semi-pro or varsity team isn't practicing.

It's simply like... WHAT?


Ya, short entry today. Anyway... life has been mildly boring lately. Since my last blog, I did nothing, I went home to Youngstown for 7 days, then I came back to Columbus and went on a trip...

Luckily, those things provided me with a couple decent stories, and I also have a backlog I have to tell... BUT I NEVER KNOW WHAT ORDER TO TELL THEM IN!

This is where you come in America... Pull out your buzzers and press 1 to vote for Baby & Dog! press 2 to vote for Football deflected away from groin, but man then falls down and football hits groin anyways! or press 3 to vote for Wow, am I glad that video cameras have improved in the past 10 years and am upset that Bob Saget no longer hosts this show! Vote now

***background music*** Oh, we've got laughs from coast to coast to make you smile. A real live look at each of you just to capture your style. You're red, white, and blue... oh those funny things you do... America, America... This is you! ***

Er hem... where was I...?

Anyway, here's a list of stories I have building up, post comments and such, with your name and a self-addressed stamped envelope saying which ones you want to hear the most...

* Random old Youngstown Hi-jinks
* The Pink Ads that make me unable to sleep at night
* Everybody, anybody, nobody
* The first Cleveland trip with Paul + David
* The "sounds" and their backstory and why I can't record them for you to hear
* The internet detective that found me
* The past week in Youngstown with the Dyke(s)
* The recent Cedar Point/Cleveland trip
* Arbitrary Ranting
* Some other story that I'm a part of that you know I know that I forgot to list here.

While some of those tend not to sound entertaining, I'll give a 57% guarantee that 3 out of every 7 are at least Comedy Bronze.

And now I need to go to sleep so I can work at least 5 hours tomorrow. Oh and I'm sunburnt.

"Are you telling me this is a sign?"