And I Can't Stop Having These Visions

A look inside the madness of my mind--sports, politics or daily life--with humor and pop culture and music references embedded.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I'm out of time

"Smoking guns, hot to the touch..."

I just might be the most untimely person ever.

However, my cell phone is not helping. So I've gone north the past two weekends. Two weekends ago I was in Cleveland for the Cavs game (which I still have to write about), and this past weekend I was in Youngstown for RAD + Memorial Day.

Well first off, there's this really stupid option in the clock menu of my phone that allows me to take a list of cities and then have the times of all those cities on a nice list. I'm not sure when this would ever be useful, but since Columbus was on the list, I added it.

Well as you can see, for some reason the stupid city list doesn't observe daylight savings time or something crazy like that, so the city time is always an hour behind. But since I never use that menu, it's not a big deal.

Well these past weekends, it became a big deal. For some reason, everytime I go north my phone somehow gets connected to some server in Nova Scotia or something else crazy, because it changes my normal clock time ahead an hour. So instead of the main clock on my phone saying its 7:00PM, it is saying it is 8PM.

Well (this is the fourth straight paragraph I started with 'well'), this morning I woke up in Youngstown and was quite confused. I wanted to be on the road before 11:00 that way I cold make it to Columbus in time for my classes. But there aren't any clocks in my room, because I moved most of the stuff out of my room. So I look at my phone and get all kinds of confused, because the clock says it is 10:12AM, the Columbus city time says it 8:12AM, and I think it might be 9:12AM because of the stupid thing being wrong. So I hear my Mom up and walking around so I yell, "Is it 9 or 10 AM??"

She responds "It's definately not 10, so probably 9." I reply with, "Well what about 8?" ... She goes to check and it's 8. At this point I'm just confused but say fuck it and go back to sleep. I really should call Cingular and be like what is going on?!?!

But yes, I'm rather untimely. I planned to leave Youngstown around 7 or 8, so that I would get back to Columbus before 11. Well 7 rolls around and I'm still porchin it. Then 8 comes, and I finally decide to get a shower. (These times are all PM obviously) It may or may not have been the worst shower ever. The water was originally freezing, then super hot, then luke warm, then freezing, then back to luke warm. I never once in a good 35 minutes of trying got a good temperature. So by this time, I check my room to make sure I didn't forget anything, it's now 9.

Well I'm getting ready to leave, and my dad decides to tell me this story about some guys from work who went out to dinner. Well this reminded me that I hand't eaten since Chicken Parmigana around 2:30, and that I'd be driving 2 and a half hours, so I should probably eat something before I left. So I got some Stuffed Chicken heated up, and ate that. Then repeat trying to leave again around 9:50. So I go to get gas and a couple 20oz for the trip, and I'm off. But no sooner than I pull out of Speedway I decide to change the song and realize I can't find my stereo remote. So I pull into Rite Aid looking for it... no dice. So I go back home and look around for about another half-hour... still no dice. So now it's about ten til 11PM, and I leave. I get about to the end of 680 (7 miles down from my house), and I decide I really don't feel like driving, so I turn around and decide to stay in Y-town another night.

So I'm tired and try to go to bed in the big recliner, but CSI is on tv, and it's the pilot episode. I was so confused when Holly Gribbs was on... I'm like uh... she dies in the first episode. So that pushes me sleeping back until 1. Which then gets pushed back farther because Best of Conan in Chicago is on... so then after failing to sleep, I take a Benadryl and fall asleep around 3:30.

Anyway, eventually I get on the road after getting breakfast this morning at 10:56, and arrive at Paul's apartment to drop off a couple of things at EXACTLY 1:26. I swear, that drive is always 2 and a half hours.

Now for sleep so I can work in the morning, because writing this blog has just delayed my sleeping by a half-hour.

"You're out of touch... I'm out of time"

Saturday, May 27, 2006

You know what this is...

"It's a Celebration Bitches!!!"

Youngstown, OH (AP) -- Reporting in from the South Side. Last night consumated the main reason I came home--RAD. And it was a blast.

First, a brief (at least I'll attempt) backstory. Last year, May 27th was approaching, which is the birthday of our good friend Robert Wyman. Well, Rahkeem and I decided that for everything Rob does for our group and for how good of a friend he is, he's underappreciated. So we then declared that from now on the last Friday in May will be Rob Appreciation Day (RAD for short).

Last year all we really did was go to TGI Friday's where me and Rahkeem brought a giant banner that said Rob Appreciation Day! with his face on it, outlined in pineapples (did anyone catch that reference in the last blog?).

Well, obviously I'm an extravagant person, so if I create a damn holiday, it will be respected and celebrated bigger and better every year. So Rahkeem started getting some plans about a week ago, and then around 2:30 yesterday afternoon we started working on it.

We decided that we'd meet at Friday's at 8PM, so we had 5 and a half hours to get everything ready. We decided to top our banner from last year with a Powerpoint presentation on why Rob is great, so while Rahkeem got working on that, I started decorating because we were coming back to my house afterwards for a classic AMN (Andy Movie Night). There was streamers going all around the room, and about 14 balloons scattered throughout it as well. Then since it was a movie night, we needed to have movie food, so we took Rahkeems's Sangria set and put the 6 candies into the glasses and filled the pitcher with popcorn and made a nice display.

Then we get to Friday's and after we order drinks, we give Rob his first present, a flashing tiara. After we all eat (except for Rahkeem because his food tasted like Charcoal and Devil Alfredo), we present Rob with the cake. A hostess cupcake with a '2' candle in it for celebration of the Second Annual Rob Appreciation Day. Then April went and got Birthday Cake Remix ice cream from Coldstone, and we all came back and watched the powerpoint and a movie (Date Movie... not bad, don't pay to see it though). Oh, and Rahkeem and I had 12 exploding party poppers that we would randomly shoot throughout the night.

Rob was quite appreciated.

"I promise y'all... I never did this before."

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I just wanna cheer!!!

"Because what he does he does so well..."

Time for a mish-mosh entry. I had one half-typed up about a week ago and ended up just saving it as a draft, because I felt it turned too cynical.

In fact, I think I'll use bullets:


--First off, in regards to the last entry, I wanted to relay a story of the best conversation ever, except I got off-track discussing where our chairs were set up. I sincerely apologize if it caused anyone severe mental anguish. I promise I'll write the actual story soon. Possibly tomorrow.

--Using bullets like this reminds me of the speech I gave when running for Student Council President at the end of my Junior year of high school, because I had a bulleted list that I decided I wanted numbered. So I numbered them in Roman Numerals. The link to speech is a link to the text of the speech I actually gave. I refer to it as Speech B-R2, because it is the B speech I prepared (I was handed back the A speech with a giant red NO!!! across the top of it), that was an impromptu revision while I spoke of the revision of my original B speech. And yes, all of those links have different speeches, though the three 'B' speeches are similar.

--So Off-the-Lake Productions did Footloose this past weekend. This of course excited me becaue Footloose is my favorite musical (probably in part because it was the first I've ever seen), and this was my 5th time seeing it, by the 3rd different director. For being a Student Organization... WOW! I was impressed that they could pull off the show so well in a lecture hall. Very few downfalls I noticed besides A) whoever was running Audio was horrible, and B) Wendy Jo and (I always forget the other name) were both holding Rusty back, and it was very obvious.

--Having seen the show obviously inspired the song of this blog. But it also inspired me to sing Almost Paradise with MIDI accompaniment on Backtalk last night. I think I scared everyone, but I thought it was funny, so who gives two shits.

--Also, I remembered that one of the goals we had before we all left for college was to get Bethany to sing Let's Hear it for the Boy again, because damn it to hell, because I've yet to hear anyone sing it better than her, even on the damn musical CD. So when I go home this weekend and/or after Boys State and/or some other time in the future, I have to make her sing the damn song.

--In other Buckeye TV and/or Musical news... Anthony Rapp was here on Monday speaking in a lecture hall, and supposedly singing songs from RENT! acapella. Well because we decided like 3 weeks prior that we would do a test film of a game show, I couldn't go. This upset me. Even more so when one of the reporters came back with a signed dvd of RENT!

--In other unrelated news, I'm going to Youngstown for the weekend. Leaving here Thursday after I finish my Accounting Lab, then going to the Dentist on Friday morning because my teeth hate me, and then having Rob Appreciation Day! afterwards. And the weekend concludes with the family Memorial Day party back at my house after a one-year hiatus because of my graduation, whee.

--After I get back, it's week ten which means last week of classes for the quarter. I need to start moving into Paul's apartment over the course of that week, since I won't have time being that there is approxamitely 14 hours between the time my last final ends and I have to report to Bowling Green to be a counselor at Boys' State.


--And by It's Raining Sideways, I mean I NEED A BED!


"Let's give the boy a hand...."

Monday, May 22, 2006

Ten minutes livin in a paper bag...

"Poster girl posing in a fashion mag..."

So last night, it's about 3:30AM, and Brandon and I are about to go to sleep. All of a sudden, a mildly intoxicated Brandi comes in.

(I'm not going to lie, I considered linking Brandi to a picture of Brandy the R&B singer... then I considered linking it to a picture of Brandy the beverage for the inherent pun of intoxicated alcohol, BUT I RESISTED... MUCH LIKE I HAVE RESISTED OTHER THINGS!)

First of all a little backstory about our room. It's a bit of a weird set up in Morrill. Here's a picture that I took right after I moved in that kinda explains it.

Click here for full size picture.

The same thing is mirrored on the other side of the room so that it kinda looks like

| <--- DOOR | | | | TO <--- / \ / BEDROOM \ / \___/ Okay, so it really looks nothing like that. It's really more of somthing like this _____ / / \ / \ / \ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \_/ Okay, so that's really not all that great. But anyway... Haha, so I kinda just looked at the preview, and it took all the spaces out. But yet it looks kinda funny, so I'm going to leave it. Anyway, just look at the attempted pictures above and laugh. So our room has a floorplan like this: (Thanks University Housing!) (except we moved the Fridge next to the door on the bottom of the picture. There's also a SUPAR KEWL Quicktime movie if you click the word room above. I'm Serial.)

Click here for a full size pic.

Well, I'm on the right side of that picture. My computer as you can see up above is toward the wall, and my extra chair just kinda sits to the right of me. Sometimes it has my coat on it, sometimes my backpack, occasionally some random clothes, and every now and then a pizza box. So that chair is kinda out of use.

Brandon on the other hand sits nearer the door. And he leaves his extra chair swung out from under the desk so that the back sits against the wall, and that is used as the visitor's chair. Well somehow while I was in Cleveland (which I have yet to blog about, I'll add it to the list of things to write about that I have yet to write about, like the pink ads) on Friday night, Brandon spilled red stuff on his new shirt.

Well, it's a new shirt, and a pretty awesome one at that, so he didn't want it to stain. So he calls his mom (On a related note, it's been confirmed I'm not going to meet her this year, because this weekend we're both going home, and I'm leaving Thursday night, and he's leaving Friday, as well as I'm moving out before him.), who tells him that he should put detergent on it. Being the brilliant guy he is, he puts an entire capful (I was about to put serving, but then I realized these aren't nutritional facts) on... Then asks how much. So now he has a shirt filled with detergent sitting on the guest chair.

Well fast forward 24 hours to Saturday night (where we started the story at the beginning of the blog entry), and the shirt is still on the chair, so we only have two usable chairs and I'm in mine, which means the only available chair is his chair. So Brandi comes in and sits down on it.

And you know what... this blog has become WAY too long... so I'm going to put the actual original story in a different entry... and I'm kinda upset I had to change the song title of the entry... but eh I guess that...

"A Change would do you Good..."

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I want to thank you...

"for giving me the best day of my life..."

Ya, so I've been gone for a while... deal. A short little story from last Thursday.

As has been documented. I've been sick. Which means I have flem in my throat. Which means that every now and then I gag and have to spit. When I'm outside, it's perfectly normal.

So I'm walking to go buy a Black Cherry Vanilla Coke from the Buck-I-Mart. And I'm walking next to the Knowlton School of Architecture. Well all of a sudden, I got the need to spit out some mucas like I previously mentioned. So I spit.


Apparently that was really rude of me. Ya it was approaching a corner. Well it landed on the pavement on the intersection of the two sidewalks. So I'm walking over it, and 3 people, 2 30-some year old women and a 40-year old man are walking up the other sidewalk. Well one of women was like: "Thank you"

OK, so it might have been rude for me to spit there... TOO BAD.... AND THEY WERE AT LEAST 5 STEPS AWAY FROM THE CORNER, SO IT WENT NO WHERE NEAR THEM.


I mean, what did you honestly want me to do before I spit, sit there and think, "Ok, should I go for it? I mean I'm not sure if I should go for it. It could me kind of mean." And then afterwards be like "Wow, I'm so glad I did that, I wasn't going to do it, but right at the last second I was like I'm gonna go for it and WOW AM I GLAD I DID!"


"I can see it all..."

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

It's close to Midnight

"and something evil is lurking in the dark..."

OK, So the most freaky set of coincidences just happened.

It starts last Wednesday when I'm sick as hell, but have to go help direct the sports show we tape on Wednesday. It really doesn't take a lot of effort to tape, typically I can just leave the preview on the wide camera angle and switch between that and one of the two closeups. So I get a call on my cell phone with the default ringtone, which kind of confuses me because most people that call me have a custom ringtone.

It's Kelly from back home who used to go to my HS, but quit and did that high school over the internet thing after like a year. I used to talk to her, but then she got a boyfriend and he hated me for some reason, so we quit talking. So then last summer she was like "Yeh, I don't care what he thinks, if I want to talk to you I will." Anyway, it was my birthday, and I was having a pretty shitty birthday. So I was supposed to meet her and a friend. Well Jenna (someone who I'm surprised this is the first I mentioned her... She'll undoubtedly show up more often) ended up calling me right when I was leaving so I ended up going to her house since I was better friends with her. Then I kinda forgot about Kelly and she got pissed, and I hadn't talked to her since.

So she calls me randomly and was like, "Are you home?"

"I'm like uh... Well funny story. I go to OSU and am on quarters, so I don't have finals for like 4 more weeks..."

"Oh, well when are you coming home?"

"Yeah, another funny story... I'm not. I'm staying here."

So the conversation goes on for another minute or so, but we say that we'll have to talk some more some time, and I hang up and get focusing on directing since a commercial was imminent.

So I'm relaying this story to Rahkeem tonight over IM and he proposes this inquiry:

Breathe**** (2:22:38 AM): is her sn sweetchik something or other

Meanwhile I'm talking to like 5 people, plus my roommate, so about 10 seconds later I start formulating a reply with "It used to be," when I get interrupted by a new IM window.

Sweetchik*** (2:22:51 AM): hey there


Now that happens every now and then to everybody, you're like haha that's kinda weird, but it happens. Well ya... except for the fact that the only time I've talked to her was over the phone last Wednesday, and I just randomly decided to tell Rahkeem the story. And when I say randomly decided to tell him the story, I mean RANDOMLY. We were in the middle of a conversation about Multitasking and R. Kelly. Anyway, it wouldn't be that weird BUT the fact that the last time I talked to her on AIM was probably at least 10 months ago. And she had a different screen name then. The last time I talked to her on this screen name was around Christmas 2004.

So that was just weird. BUT it gets weirder. So she's points out how hasn't used this screen name in a long time:
Sweetchik*** (2:24:49 AM): actually i restored this sn.. i havent used it since around xmas apparently since i still have jingle bells playing as an IM sound

Which... happened at the same time that Paul was being a complete retard because I wasn't talking to him ... well I'm not sure why:
MediaMogul** (2:25:03 AM): squoosh squoosh squoosh
MediaMogul** (2:25:06 AM): squoosh squoosh squoosh
MediaMogul** (2:25:10 AM): honk honk squoosh honk squoosh
MediaMogul** (2:25:13 AM): (jingle bells)

So right around now I'm just freaked out. I tell the three of them that I am freaked out... then I blog about it.

Now to go write my 3-page paper due tomorrow.

P.S. If anyone doesn't get this entries song lyric, I never want to talk to you again. It's a classic.

"You try to scream..."

Monday, May 15, 2006

Brandon's Mom has Got it Goin On

You know, that song is weird.

That line is awkward with or without the 'has'.

Anyway... in honor of mother's day... I decided to discuss a mother. But not just any mother, my roommate's mother.

I have never met this woman.

You know, being that she is the one that always brings him down from Ashland and picks him up from here to go back to Ashland. So you think as his roommate, I would have met this fine lady at some occurence. I mean, there's the time we moved in, the time we went home for Thanksgiving, time we went home after fall finals, coming back before winter quarter, the two or three times he went home during winter quarter, leaving after winter finals, coming back after spring break, Easter weekend, plus this past Mother's day weekend.

That means I count 11 times... plus the fact that most of those are picking up and coming back... that's tilde 17 times that I might have seen her. Let me reiterate, I have never met this woman. First time, I was doing that stupid OWL stuff. Ever since then, either I left to go home before he did, or it just randomly happened that I wasn't here. We realized this a few weeks ago.

So then he was going home for Mother's Day. It appeared as if the streak would continue because I was leaving to go to Cleveland around 1, and he wasn't leaving until tilde 4. But then we wake up and we decide not to go to Cleveland because of the immense rain, so I would finally meet her.

Except I took the Benadryl Allergy/Cold that I take to remove my illnesses (which still haven't completely gone away), and ended up falling asleep in my bed watching Ocean's Eleven... sleeping through Brandon coming back from class and his mom coming to pick him up.

The streak continues...

Saturday, May 13, 2006

There's a place to live and a place to grow...

In case you didn't know, I'm a huge Conan O'Brien fan.

I just re-setup my cool tunnel that allows me to have wireless in my dorm. So I'm laying in my bed watching TV. Ironically, a couple of the guys from SAIT were in my room today testing out the wireless that they're installing for next year. I heard somewhere that there are going to be almost 6000 access points. I find that hard to believe just for RESNET. That'd be ~1 access point for every two students living in the dorm. So I'm probably hearing that number wrong.

But anyway, today was the day of realizing that I really don't read my e-mail.
Number one was earlier today when I reread an e-mail I got on Wednesday from Jeff Pettlier (He's in charge of Explore Columbus). Apparently RENT! star Anthony Rapp is walking very determindly onto OSU's campus in like two weeks, and tickets to see his lecture / singing songs from RENT! acapella became available Wednesday, and since there's only 750 (it's being held in the largest lecture hall on campus), there's undoubtedly none left which means I won't be able to go. This makes me unhappy.

The other e-mail that I didn't read was 'Up Late with NBC'. It says who is on Leno, Conan, and Carson each night. Well apparently Conan has been in Chicago all week and I just found out today on the last day of the week. So I had to go download all the episodes I missed from this week.

It's a simple equation. Conan == Hilarious... Conan + Location Out-of-Studio == Comedy Gold. There's the time he tried selling his Ford Taurus... The time he playing Olde Time Baseball... and of course the time he spent a week in Toronto, which provided such classic moments and the CN Tower battling the Seattle Space Needle in multiple competitions including limbo. And of course the most recent, an entire show dedicated to things he did while on his trip to Finland.

So I turn on Conan tonight and he's in Chicago. With such great skits as 'Chicago Small Talk Moment', 'The Sears Tower wearing clothes from Sears', and the infamous desk drive with native Chicagoan ANDY RICHTER. Conan is hilarious by himself, but whenever he reunites with his old sidekick Andy Richter WHILE out of the studio... It's off the comedy scale... YOU CANT GET BETTER THAN COMEDY GOLD... THATD BE LIKE COMEDY PLATINUM... AND THERES NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT PLATINBUM... HAHA I SAID BUM... BUT NO TIME TO LAUGH ABOUT IT NOW

Right now, everything is coinciding very nicely. Bob Uecker was just on the replay of the Tonight Show, and Conan is starting which means times to sleep.

"We'll call this land Ontario..."

Rollin down to Cleveland to the Lake

"You saying Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?"

So Randy Newman wasn't with us today. Even he couldn't make the mighty Cuyahoga burn this weekend. So thus instead of being on the shores of Lake Erie, I'm still on the banks of the great Olentangy.

"I got 100 of these, 1 for every base I'm gonna steal."

Probably better for me since I'm still recovering from my deadly mold virii. Ahh well, it seems were gonna try again next weekend or sometime towards the end of June and make it a combo with a Cedar Point visit. Sounds like a good plan to me.

"No runs on 1 hit. That's all we got? 1 God Damn hit!"
"You can't say God Damn on the air"
"Doesn't matter, nobody's listening anyway"

So it's been raining non-stop for the past day or two, and there's no sign of it stopping soon. Which means this is gonna be one shitty weekend. So it was assumed that everyone was going home for Mother's Day, but apparently Brandon is the only one that did.

"What team do you play for Jake?"
"The Indians."
"Here in Cleveland?"
*nods in agreement*
"I didn't know they still had a team."

So with it being rainy and me being sick, I didn't feel like going anywhere. Woke up... found out that we decided on not going to Cleveland, took some more Benadryl, put Ocean's Eleven in and went back to sleep... (this brings up another story which I'll write about in a little bit).

"Think you can throw a strike."
"Ya, but there won't be much on it, my arm feels like Jello."
"Just get it over the plate, I'll do the rest."
"Last time I did that, he hit one that hasn't landed yet."

So I wake up around 6, and am hungry. But I already ate our beloved Morrill Market today, and not feeling like going anywhere... I decided to order food. The Saver (awesome coupon/menu magazine) sent out an e-mail a couple of days ago saying Papa John's $5.99 large pizza delivered to OSU's dorms. Can you say Yahtzee!

"If you ever tank another play like you did today, I'm gonna cut your nuts off and stuff them down your fuckin throat."

So then I'm like "Hmm... I have movies to watch." So I walk over to Alex's room (a whole two steps), do my traditional *KNOCK* *KNOCK* "*FARVA!*", so him and Dan know its me, and then walk in. We then watched Fun With Dick and Jane. Not too bad, there's a couple classic Jim Carrey moments as you expect, but most of them are at the beginning or the end. I actually said at one point "This plot needs to progress quickly." Luckily, about a minute later, it does. Also, the ending line is pretty classic.

"In case you haven't noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven't..."

So around then David invites me over to his apartment. Kinda surprising with what I wrote about him yesterday. With it being so shitty outside, I had no urge to walk past the wonderful wind-tunnel that is the Horseshoe, so I declined. He even tried conning me into coming with this wonderful dialogue:

I respond with: "Ya, well he lives there so I'm not all that surprised that he's there." I'm not really sure what he was trying to point out with that statement.

"Haywood leads the league in most offensive categories including nose hair; when this guy sneezes he looks like a party favor. Haywood's a convicted felon, isn't he Monty?"
"Doesn't really say here..."
"Well, he should be. Vaughn pitches and Haywood crushes it towards South America. Cerrano's gonna need a visa to catch that one, all that's left is a vapor trail."

Then we watched last Thursday's CSI that I missed, and downloaded the CSI:Miami from last Monday that I missed. With this/next/week after being sweeps week. It's upsetting. No new episodes until Fall. I'm mildly upset that I'm going to have a DVR for the first time ever over the Summer and there will be no new shows to record. Ahh well, at least I'll be able to see every Conologue and skit for the foreseeable future.

"Got anything to add Monty"
"Uhm... nope, you covered it all."
"He's not the best color man in the league for nothing folks!"

So I took an online Accounting quiz. I really hate those, who makes online quizzes due at 1PM on a Saturday afternoon. Everyone knows that students wait until the night before something is due to do it... so by the time I remember that I have to take a quiz I'm drunk. Let's just point out that it's hard to do Accounting when not sober. It's an easy subject, but you at least have to think about it. 0/21 and 2/21 on my last two exemplify this. Luckily you can drop your worst two scores.

"Joboo, look I turn to you, but you no help me now. I do it myself. Fuck you Joboo."

Ya, my apologies for this not being entertaining. More or less just a recap of the day. Didn't do anything, so nothing HOORAH happened to write about. I got a story or two that are mildly related to things I haven't talked about yet that did sorta happen today, so as soon as Major League ends, I'll write those up.

"Burn on big river... Burn On"

Friday, May 12, 2006

We were just friends...

"at least that's what you said..."

Haha, just in case you don't know me... the last post was obviously completely sarcastic. Me and David are good friends (at least I hope so), and its all fun and games until someone gets hit with a chariot...

Anyway, I'm going to bed because I guess me, Paul, and Nick are still gonna try to go to the Indians/Tigers game tomorrow. And plus, I'll get to sleep before the pink ads come on (I still need to write about that one day).

"... I forgive you for what you've done"

I ran your car into a ditch...

"I pawned your jewelry on the net...
Called up your boss told him you quit"

So over at Buckeye TV, we have this software developer. We'll call him, for lack of a more suitable name David. Wow do I hate that spineless bastard.

So first I hear about him, it's because he's the Sys Admin for BTV and is the one that has to make me a computer account so I can log on. Well finally he does it... 8 WEEKS LATER. Way to be punctual.

Eventually I take over that job because he's a slacker and sucks at life. So this means I have to work with him on a regular basis *sigh*, I'd rather have a nailgun to the eye.

So one day, he's bored so he decides to add a "feature" to his software automation system that runs our tv station. I have to interact with this software about 6-10 times on a weekly basis. Well this "feature" is that I have to type in my username and password every single time I hit a button. GREAT FEATURE.

So to rebuttal his security, I make my own program (I shall link it at a later date). Let's just say its awesome and everyone will want to try it out. So because he pissed me off, I added security so that it asks you for your name, and if you put in 'David' it goes DENIED. But the bitch beat me by just typing his name in all caps. YA THATS COOL, BEAT ME WITH CASE SENSITIVITY.

So a while later I get an iMac to play with so I can learn how to use the beasts a little better and see how it will interact with our network, so in the process of waiting to get a keyboard for it, he goes and picks it up (NOT BY ITS INTEGRATED HANDLE MIND YOU), but man-handles the thing and walks out the door with it saying "I'm taking it for a walk." He then proceeds to put fake throwing it into the river and then sets it on the picnic table outside, stating that it is its new home. BECAUSE THATS AWESOME.

So then to add insult to injury, he invites me to play him in racquetball. I'm decent, not great, not even good, but decent that I can give most people who don't know the intracacies of the game a good match and typically win. Well, he suckers me into playing him, and guess what HES GOOD. NOT JUST GOOD... HELL I BET HE TOOK EDU PAES 169 OR WHATEVER NUMBER THE RACQUETBALL II COURSE IS. He goes on to beat me like 15-0, 15-0; 15-3, 15-1... PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE TWAT

So basically what I'm saying is...

"I want you dead..."

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Dholna, vaje tumbe val taar

"...soode dil de pukar
Aaja karle ye pyar..."

"Sweetheart, the strings of the instrument play
listen to what the heart says
Come and love me"

First of all, calm down, I haven't learned another language, nor am I writing romantic lyrics. Those are the original lyrics, and the same lyrics translated to the best song to ever come out of India. Tunak Tunak Tun. If you haven't seen the video, A) what the hell is wrong with you... B) download it here (43MB, right-click and save as).

There's also a couple videos floating around the internet of people doing it in talent shows. One of them is extremely hilarious which I can't find at the moment, another is on YouTube.

But alas, Daler Mehndi is not the subject of this post. Rather it is Larry Bozick. He is a crazy war veteran turned 10th Grade English Teacher with ridiculous stories that no one belives. (A famous one is when he lit roman candle and it shot into the upstairs of a pharmacy in Japan where there just happened to be fireworks stored and the entire block exploded.) Anyway, he taught Honors English 10 one year... the year I happened to be in 10th grade. In my high school, 10th grade was world literature. We had to read all kinds of ridiculous books and movies.

Yes, you may now smite me for connecting Daler Mehndi and Larry Bozick... but be assured, there is relevance. So I'm cleaning my desk off, and throwing things in the common room trash. Jeopardy! is on the TV... which is always a good thing because it reminds me that I'm smarter than everyone else. One of the topic's was Off-Broadway. Unfortunately I only got the $400 and the $2000 questions (Alec Baldwin, and Stomp! respectively).

But this entry is about the $1200 question. "The musical "Sidd" is based off of this book." The answer... (well technically question, Shut your mouth Trebek!) "What is Siddhartha" [SOUND FUCKING 7]



Revolations Chapter 9 is coming true.

"... Da Da Da"

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

You can't stop the mold from growing...

"It's livin in the fridge!"

So I may have discovered what might have caused my illness.

But first let's backtrack....

We go to Sam's Club on a regular basis. Say somewhere around once a month or so. Buying bulk is a good thing. 24-32 Gatorade/Propels for 12 dollars? HOW CAN I SAY NO?!

So It's the Thursday before Easter (the 13th of April)... I turn in my Accounting Lab, and then go get my car so we can go to Sam's Club before I go home for Easter.

So while we were walking around looking for anything else besides the usual drinks, we walk past the bakery and there are a giant bag of like 50 breadsticks sitting there for like $3.49. Again... HOW CAN I SAY NO?!

So I purchase them and eat them on and off as do other people who arbitrarily come in and mooch my deliciously cheap breadsticks (which has another good story for another time). After like a week and a half only about 10 or 20 of the 50 were eaten, and I became extremely hungry one night after everything was closed... so I ate like 10 or 15 of them by myself.

At this juncture, there are about 10 or 15 left... and they've been sitting on my shelf under my Microeconomics book ever since. Well tonight we (Alex and Morgan ) ordered PJ's (heart attack on a bun), and as usual they take forever. So Alex walked in is like I'm taking a breadstick, I'm hungry.

"Go ahead, they're on the shelf."

"Farva, do your breadsticks have mold on them?"

"I dunno, I haven't looked at them in a week or two"

"Well there's green stuff on them."

"Ya, there's like parsley-type flakes on them."

"Uhh... Farva, I don't mean flakes..."

So then he pulls them out and we *GASP* look at them:

Here's a link to a closeup.

However, that's not the only thing on the shelf.

When I was home for the Easter weekend, my Grandma who loves me so much decided that I don't have enough food down here and that she should give me some. So with it being Easter weekend, she had a spare lazarus, so she gave it to me to bring back down to Columbus with me. Well, I put it on the shelf with the breadsticks and kinda forgot about it until right now...

Here's a link to a closeup.


"Tell me, do you think it should be carbonated, fumigated, or buried at sea?"

Hit my Snooze alarm for the 27th time

"Just don't feel like goin to work..."

So I'm sick... this sucks. I put it off for about a week. But I guess it caught up to me. I would wake up every day with a sore throat, but then I'd get a shower and be better. Yesterday, it kinda never went away. So instead of going to my Comm 367 class where I had a paper due, I went to the 'Advice Nurse' at the Student Health Center (Bless you John Wilce).

There's 3 cubicles... there's someone in the first one, and then right when I got there some other staff member went up to the nurse in the second cubicle and started talking. I'm like mmkay.... well good thing there's three, and the one in the 3rd cubicle is doing nothing.

So I walk over there and sit down. I'd basically say the first four setences of the first paragraph up above, and then see what she says..

"Well there aren't any appointments until Thursday."

I'm confused why an 'Advice Nurse' is telling me this until I look up... "Name McName; Appointment Associate" ... GWANGJAWEF. Who the hell has a job as an "Appointment Associate"?? There are two workers in the main lobby area who answer phones and check-in patients... Why can't they schedule appointments too? And even if there is a need for an "Appointment Associate"... why is her cubicle directly next to the two Advice Nurses?? Put it somewhere out of the way! Do people truly go in to schedule an appointment? I've been to the health center 4 times this year, and didn't even know she existed until I went in yesterday!


So after I realize she can't help me (and scheduling an appointment won't help because all they'll do is give me a piece of paper that lists HOW TO GET OVER THE COMMON COLD). I slide over one cubical to the actual Advice Nurse and repeat my schpiel about I'm sick. So she says, "Let's look at your throat," and whips out a giant ass flashlight out of her drawer. And when I say flashlight, I mean flashlight. Like one of those big ones you leave in the toolbox in the garage that gets dirty.

So I open my mouth and she looks, and is like "Ya, the right side of your throat is probably a little sore."

"I'm like um... yeah it is."

"Well it isn't too bad, you can take some IBprofin or Advil for the pain, drink lots of fluids, and if it isn't better within a couple days, just pay us another visit."

Then she gave me an appointment reminder form (but I don't have an appointment?). However it was good enough proof that I was there and I wasn't just skipping a class that I had a paper due in. Because I wasn't... I'm sick dammit. And who recommends pain relievers for a sore throat? I've never heard of that before.

So I leave and go to Woody's in the Union and get 6 soft tacos, mac + cheese, a cornbread muffin, and 2 24oz Sprites for 1 swipe because the girl running the POS system isn't too bright and only swiped my card once instead of twice.

So after Black Tuesday ended... right around the time I started this blog last night, I realized that I should probably send my TA an e-mail, telling him that I was at the Health Center and thus not in class.

I’ve been sick for the past week or so, and wasn’t in class last Thursday or today (today because I was at the health center talking to the nurses trying to find out what I can do to get over this illness). Is there anything I need to know for Thursday?

So after I wake up around 2:30 this afternoon, I check my e-mail and get this reply:

It might rain, so wear a coat. Other than that, you can turn in the AAIP then.

Hahaha... wear a coat. Now that is an entertaining TA. I fully support.

But this is long enough so I should probably just finish it and go get some lunch. Except it's now 4:17, so Morrill Market (aka Buckeye Express) stopped serving lunch 18 minutes ago. Hopefully they still have hamburgers, that seems like a safe food.

"I'm callin in sick today"

So far away...

A Flock of Seagulls what?

So I just went to make an away message informing everyone about the greatness that is this new blog.

I decided to be cliche and say "So I made a blog, and it is the best thing since sliced bread"

But then I thought about it... I REALLY hate sliced bread. It's good for lunchmeat sandwiches and that's it. AND I DONT LIKE LUNCHMEAT SANDWICHES. If I'm going to eat lunchmeat, put it on a sub. Is that so much to ask?

The unsliced bread is so much better. There's at least 3 more uses it has over sliced bread. There's nothing better than a decently thick slice of italian bread that you just cut.

So therefore sliced bread sucks, and because I have a blog I have a way to tell everyone my opinion on it.

"Never Get Away..."

For the love of God, look at this Damn Photograph so Clear Channel will Shut Up

That is Paul. Well to be technical that's him mildly intoxicated at BW3 singing karaoake and an extremly large man looking very disinterested. (Gracias to facebook for the hosting, with credit to Grant Riley (who I call College Loan--that's for you Rahkeem) for the excellent photograph.) I'm living with him over the summer. And I decree that we are having a barbeque every Sunday.

Anyway, Photograph by Nickelback is the most overplayed song since 'Bring Me to Life'. Both of which are great songs. On the bright side, at least they choose good songs, not something like J-Kwon or Uncle Kracker.

In other news, Paul can't do anything physical. He says so himself. We have a door at Buckeye TV (where I'm VP of Operations and do pretty much everything else because all the cool old regime decided to leave this quarter... see the link on the right)... it kinda looks like this one:
Well, we were leaving after doing a show tonight, and Paul decides to try opening it by doing a jump kick into the Push thing that opens the door. I've done it many times, and almost hit the person on the other side of the door... however, Paul can't be that lucky. He somehow managed to get his foot stuck, and almost fall... and of course the door doesn't open. I wish I had a picture of that because...

Everytime I do it makes me laugh...

Dad, I wanna be a rockstar when I grow up

"A rockstar huh?"
"HELL YEAH, Just like you!"

Been floatin around up here on cloud 11... So I'm sitting here like damn, I need a good tagline for my new kicks... and by kicks i mean shoes... and by shoes i mean blog. So all of a sudden my awesome roommate Brandon puts on 'Click Click Boom' by Saliva.

Whatever happened to Saliva, they had two awesome CDs which I highly recommend you check out (most cool bloggers would go link to them on Amazon or Froogle (hear that Blogger? I'm pimping your parent site), but that would take WAY too much effort for me. And that would make you not want to click my links. And don't worry, my links are always worth it... ask Rahkeem. So when there's a link, click it bitches.

Anyway as I was saying... my awesome roommate (is that one word or two) plays that song, and the first line of the song is so appropriate to my life since I'm always listening to and/or hearing music in my head, so I kinda went with it. Then he started playing 'Superstar' by Saliva, which made me think of Superstar II, which is what the intro lyric is from.

But ya, have I mentioned my roommate is awesome? He kinda trademarked the word awesome. So it was like 4AM in the morning last night and we were going to bed before the damn pink ads come on E!, and he's like half asleep...

All of a sudden he's like "Andy, you know how when you're half asleep and start dreaming but you're still awake?"

I'm wondering where this is going but respond, "Ya..."

"Well I just saw someone's grandmother, and she looked really familiar because I know her... but she's not my grandma."

"Um... ok?"

Well we're about to go shower (we have two you stupid toolbags). We tend to shower at the same time so we can harmonize. We do a mean chorus of Build me up buttercup... you don't know.

"Oh I'm a Superstar in the making...."

Lorem Ipsum Dolar

So I realized that I am incessently bored . Yet when I am not bored, I am always involved and/or hear about hilarious shananagans and everyone else is interested and you all know it.

So thus... BLOG!

This is just a first post and nothing more. Really no content at all. Lorem Ipsum Dolar. I remember back in 5th grade, I made a newspaper in Microsoft Publisher 97 and sold it for 10 cents a copy to all my classmates. And the default layout had all the textboxes filled with Lorem Ipsum Dolar. Therefore, Lorem Ipsum Dolar.

Also, the title is subject to change based on my whims. Probably always going to have a twofold reference though, a ghetto reference and something about my life.

Seacrest out!