And I Can't Stop Having These Visions

A look inside the madness of my mind--sports, politics or daily life--with humor and pop culture and music references embedded.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Thursday's Top Three Terrific Topics

I considered doing this last week, and think I'll try to make a it a weekly thing. Three thoughts for things that happened recently. This week (as many will be) will focus on the crazy in sports.

1. Ron Artest is crazy.

Don't get me wrong, I love the man. But he's crazy.

"I remember one time when it was um .... one of my friends ya know he was playing basketball and they was winning the game and it was so competitive, they threw um, they broke a piece of leg from a table, and they threw, and it went right through his heart and he died right on the court."

[EDIT: Apparently he's not that crazy... a 1991 New York Times article verifies the story]

Thank you Los Angeles Times for finally putting this clip on YouTube. I was searching for it last night because it might be one of the funniest things I've ever heard. That was of course after he was ejected last night for GETTING elbowed in the throat... Which leads me to...

2. Joey Crawford is crazy.

By far, the NBA referee with the quickest technical in the business, and by far the most hot headed of any ref.

His highlights include...
  • Pushing Damon Jones out of bounds
  • Ejecting Tim Duncan for laughing on the bench
  • Ejecting Kenyon Martin for complaining about back-to-back calls when he was fighting through picks
There's been speculation in the Cleveland media that Crawford does not like this Cavs team, but after last night where he ejected Artest for what should have only been a technical, hopefully he will be done reffing for the rest of the playoffs... Just like last time... against the Mavs in 03... and against the Spurs in 07... oh wait...

3. Manny Ramirez is crazy.

Earlier today, MLB announced that Manny Ramirez would be suspended for 50 games for violating baseball's substance abuse policy. Later on, ESPN reported that the banned drug he took was a female fertility drug.

However, this isn't nearly the most crazy thing he's done. By far, that honor goes to when he was playing LF and he cut off a throw... from the CF. I just tried for 30 minutes to find a clip, but the MLB are a bunch of copyright nazis over 5 year old clips. Which I'd be fine with.... IF their clip site worked!

So after all this searching... I'm left with just one question...

What did Manny ever do to people in Wyoming?

Monday, May 04, 2009

UPDATED: LeBron to be named MVP at 4PM

UPDATED: 2:34PM - is now announcing that the press conference will be held at 4PM EST and be broadcast live on Fox Sports Ohio and online at As to be expected, ESPNews will be showing the event as well.

According to ESPN and excellent Cavs-Beat Writer Brian Windhorst, Lebron James will be named the NBA's Most Valuable Player later today.

He had yet another amazing statistical season, averaging 28.4/7.6/7.2. Technically, these numbers are slightly down from last year's NBA scoring leader season of 30.0/7.9/7.2, but his team also won an additional 21 games. Combine that with his improvement on defense (so far as being the runner up for Defensive Player of the Year), and the voters were easily swayed to pick "The Chosen One" over scoring champ Dwayne Wade or last year's MVP Kobe Bryant.

Also, by averaging 7.2 rebounds for the second straight year, he became the first Forward to average 7 assists in back-to-back seasons since 90/91. He joins Bird and John Havlicek as the other forwards ever to accomplish that achievement.

In yet another show of hometown love and team unity, the Cavaliers will travel down I-77 from Independence to Akron to join LeBron during his acceptance of the award at his alma mater--Akron St. Vincent St. Mary High School. The school was most recently publicized during James' 60 minutes shoot where he finger rolled in a shot from the opposing free throw line.

James continued his dominance in the post season averaging 32.0/11.3/7.5 in the first-round sweep of the Detroit Pistions. The Cavs were the only team to sweep their first-round opponent and are currently in the middle of going 8 days in between games before facing the Atlanta Hawks this Tuesday night at Quicken Loans Arena. The Cavs intend to honor his MVP season before the game. The game starts at 8PM EST, and will be broadcasted on TNT.

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Friday, May 01, 2009

Onion Genocide

Those that know me know I love grill/cookout/ballpark food. About two and a half years ago, I blogged about how the stove in my house didn't work, so I bought a grill. There were many cookouts held on the porch, with the staples of hamburgers and hot dogs. And of course if you are having a hot dog, you need 2 toppings--Stadium Mustard, and Onions. (An obvious exception can be made if there is chili available, although most chili dogs include onions and ballpark mustard actually compliments the chili nicely.)

On the fourth of July, I made hot dogs, ate Lays Potato Chips, and drank a Refreshing Ice Cold Fountain Coca-Cola Classic... The Most American Meal EVER. Hell, I even mentioned via my mobile blog that We Aren't in Cleveland when I went to Winter Haven for a spring training game because of the lack of Stadium Mustard. Thus, my position on hot dogs is very well established.

So this past Wednesday, former VS coworker of mine and Red Sox fan Jess invited me to go see the Red Sox/Indians game in Cleveland. I may have to blog about the game later, because it was one of the 5 best games I've been to even though the Tribe lost.

But anyways, when I go to a baseball game, I need two things--a hot dog, and a pretzel. So around the fifth inning, we decide to go get the foodstuffs, and go to the concession stand near our seats. After getting the food, I go to the condiment stand looking for the onions and ballpark mustard. There's 4 big containers... ketchup, mustard, ballpark bustard, and EVEN Mayo?!... but that's it. I look high and low, walk around the entire pillar, go down to the next condiment stand... No onions. I'm completely baffled, but said screw it and figure it'll just be something to bitch about later.

After the Indians bullpen manages to blow it and then lose in extra innings, we go back to the parking garage to go home. Jess starts to go through the little mini-program that has the rosters and stadium information in it. She turns the page and finds this heading:

Hmm well, that's convenient. And what's that little subtext right below it?

Hah. That's smart. Put Hot Dogs at every concession stand at a baseball game. What a novel concept. But this doesn't solve the quandry of why there are no onions... until we get down to the H's in the alphabetcal listing...

WTF? There are only onions at 4 places in the ballpark? Are you kidding me? The only proper response I can think of is to break back out Sound 7!

I realize it's improper, but I'm simply at a loss for words for how you can only put onions in 4 places (And being at a loss for words does not a good blog make). I didn't realize Swine Flu could be transferred via onion, and I can't think of any other possible reason to perform a onion genocide at the ballpark.

So Progressive Field, I implore you. Bring back the Onions, the final touches on the American Baseball Game Meal. I realize no one goes to your games (according to ESPN, the attendence was 19,137 - under 45% of capacity). At times, I felt like there was about a 5:1 food worker to fan ratio. BUT the team never sacrifices (grumble Eric Wedge), why must you sacrifice the mass distribution of onions?

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